Burn Out

My general work days begin 8AM - 9 AM and end as late as 9PM. It's definitely affecting my health which partially is my own time management and personal matters that I don't properly prioritize. I have the energy to get work done, the drive to continue...But I still should not undermine that I'm burning out. My team is burning out. Everyone is just drained.

This is a hard project. This is also the first time I've stepped into the product manager role. I'm fighting my imposter syndrome constantly. Within the past 3 months, I've learned a profound amount and am extremely grateful for having such patient mentors. However, even the vacation I went on was not enough for me to feel fully rested.

I don't feel the need to eat during breakfast and lunch. When I do have small breaks, I take care of my two rabbits, my plants and literally everything but myself. I am thinking about this website I am building, my existential crisis, and the surplus of bags/purses (thanks mom) I need to sell so I have a cleaner space.

I am an extremely disorganized organized person. I know where everything is but nothing is ever put away. But even now it's getting to an intolerable state (Again, thank you mom for giving me all your vintage stuff for me to sell just because I had some luck selling random stuff on Facebook Marketplace).

One of the awful things about living in an apartment are all the little noises. Upstairs there's a dog where he loves running around and dropping his bone. I've also began learning the habits of my newly acquired rabbit son. This boy wakes up at 7AM and expresses how much he LOVES LIFE. He zoomies, binkies (rabbit terms for a happy rabbit) and explores EVERYWHERE. ONLY AT 7AM. I love him to death but my god, I now got a taste of what motherhood is going to be like. Not only that, my roommate is an early bird and I am a sensitive sleeper. All of this is out of my control so I just tolerate it.

On weekends, I try to plan events with friends because I know if I don't I'll just lay in bed all day. I'm just becoming stressed with all the little things building up and need to find the motivation to exercise, clean, and take care of myself. I haven't been able to do so for the past god-knows-how-long-months.

It feels that although I've made huge strides in my career growth, my health has taken a hit. I've been completely okay with it and even now still feel that way. I am progressing and doing extremely well but I need to tell myself that is still NOT OK.

In the past, I'd sacrifice sleep to get everything I want done and be able to enjoy myself with gaming/entertainment. Nowadays, I am able to flip that where I know to sleep by 12-1AM (for the most part) and sacrifice gaming. I guess it comes with growing older.

At the end of it all, I need to take the drive I have for work and do the same with everything else in my life. Easier said than done but at least I'm now actively thinking about it.